Questions

So, I know I have a lot on my mind lately, but it's so cushed together, that I don't know how to expand it enough to really think about it.

What's currently on my mind (sry if subjects change):

Is there really "someone" for everyone?
I really never thought that ideas like this were realistic, but the more and more I think about it and try to push the idea away from my ideas.....real thoughts and real emotions don't really get thrown out, no matter how hard you try.

I have two subjects for two reasons why this is what's on my mind.

During the last minutes of October, I impulsively went to a party that I'll never regret.

There was a pretty random collection of guests, but for some reason I just felt drawn to one of them...and it was like an insta-best friend.

Then, as we have spent time getting to know each other on a more personal level, I really can't believe how much we can relate. In a healthy way.

But, I already have a best friend that I love more than most people.
And it would wreck me not to know her.

However as girls grow up, the once monumental bonding moments become more inanimate with time. We grow closer in the strangest ways, but new memories don't seem to be developing.
How long can you hold on to memories to direct your current day?

Another thing that has been on my mind is more personal than I make it out to be.
I have met a lot of captivating people in my life thus far.
And I'm no longer afraid of falling.
So what am I supposed to do when I'm fascinated by someone and I know it?
Like no matter how much I tell myself to just slow down and think with a different mindset, the same feelings keep jumping up and down in my head, and now they're carrying yellow road signs?

I just don't know what to think.

I'm so good at being myself that lately it has been worrying me.
I know what I want and I know all the risks that I take in life.

Yet, there's always someone, often several people in my day reminding me.
Tonight, someone confronted me about my sleep issue in a very serious way and it worried me, because I feel like this person was implying false assumptions about me.

I'm not on cocaine!!!

lol.

I'm just me. I have natural talent to harmonize the most clashing situations, and I don't judge people.

Yet, no matter how much I try to show people, no matter how honest I am, I feel like the people I care most about are afraid of me.

I just don't get life right now.

I was telling my best friend, and she said to me "Ty, I know you probably don't get what I'm saying, but not everybody is like you..."

And that scared me. I know she's right, and I don't expect anyone to be like me..I'm one of a kind, but I just wish that I could meet halfway with someone on the bridge of communication I'm trying to build. Or maybe it's just a bridge of understanding.

Is it possible to reallyreally care for someone that you barely know?

Is it possible for a girl to be "too good to be true", so everyone decides to walk on eggshells and question motives until they find a fault?

I thought I already have shown all my faults.

Which brings me to another point...
I forgot that I kinda have a "secret" until I was talking with my insta-friend the other day.

I told him something really personal, and then realized that I haven't told anyone in a long time.
But just because I have big stories I haven't told yet, doesn't mean I wouldn't tell them.

I want people to approach me without intimidation.
I want them to just go out on a limb and ask me the questions they want to know about me...because I'm not a liar, and I just want to be myself. I want my friends to know me for who I am, good and bad, happy and sad.

And I want to know what to do when I'm helplessly attracted to someone that I know is worth it.