Endless List of Favorites

FOR NOW: SORRY IF I MISS ANYTHING OR ANYONE, FEEL FREE TO REMIND ME


jose, abbot, jimmy, timmy, trish, bianca, lucia and dino, ryan g, fletcher, ryan t, CHRIS M, phil w, "obama for world peace and jobs and food and water" mom, dad, brandon and kaleo, chad, erik, chris d, alvin, celtics, suns, cassie, christa, ryan s, james, aj and the stores, everyone in 806...i think. lol, the starbucks gang, the uno gang, the senior class of 2008, and the ub gang.

ok...now im done with gangs.

food: ice cream, chicken, italian, american, asian, and uh, chicken. and pasta. and uh...oh yeah..forgot someone else now too..sorry everyone.

p.s. definately elijah...and all the kids

Big Picture, Thank you!

Thank you to the person who sent the snow owl.
It should go in the ransom frame.
It might look good in the golden glow.

Thank you to the genuine heart of the big picture message.
It took 3 key learning coaches.
I like C-Smo the most.

Thank you to Cassie and her family for teaching me about politics and medicine.
Thank you to UMC and George for saving the hearts.
Thank you to Dad for teaching me to play cards.

Thank you to solitare, and flowers, and the left side of the road.
Thank you road constuction and the walk back returning movies that belong.
Thank you Ashley for working at RedBox.

Thanks to you Bianca; I love you like you're my own.
Sisters are forever, and I feel like I have three.
Tristen now called Trish, and Bianca now called
Fish....painting argyle patterns might've made us famous.

For now I got the laptop working...
Still thinking how to save us.

I miss Chris, not davis or monzingo.
Chris knows who martin is..
and for that...
I like the original park the best.

It may have caused some trouble,
It may have caused two nights....
But most of all it caused ducks.....
Two days, two colors, long nights.

I miss all the Christa's, and the Cassie's, and the C's......
But most of all I miss the City.......
one plus two makes three

Tuesday, Bluesday (Jan 27)

4:00am- A loud, reoccuring buzz resonates throughout the small area of the bedroom. Time for work again. Slipping on my baggy hobo jeans, I pile back into bed to cherish the next fifteen minutes for all they're worth.

4:30am-Time to get out of bed. (again). Brushing through my latest improvement, I contemplate wearing a hat.

5:05am-Christa is outside, and it's the first white I've seen since leaving Boston.

5:25am-7am: I heard through rumor mill not long ago that the Starbucks company maybe be downsizing. After affirmative confirmation, I spend most of the morning diligently working around the store, appreciating the day for what it is. These early morning encounters with the Starbucks regulars may be nearing an end.

8:00pm- My store manager calls from Starbucks asking to trade shifts tomorrow. "No problem".
She maybe forgets that I've already done it once today, so I know what it will feel like tomorrow.

8:30pm- Phil is online, and I suggest a Killer Bunnies rematch. He decides Algebra is more important, and is probably correct.

Answers

Today/tonight was very very important to me.

I learned a lot, and in one night, in one hour...my life just "clicked".

I now know what I want to do with my life. I know what career I want to go into, and I have an amazing idea that if followed through, could really change my life oneday. I decided that I want to open up a business...and let's just leave it at that due to lack of sleep and I'm kind of shaky typing. I've decided to name my idea: Life is a Party.

I've had a really intense week, and through various forms of frustration, I let it out on Ryan. He was drunk, and I doubt he will recollect much of the arguing, but either way...I decided to just let it all go. Right back out of my life door, because I realize that sometimes, you can spend all your energy and time trying to get a person to see in your eyes, and in the end, they have to want to. Some people will eventually come around, some never will...and for the best/worst, I'm letting it lie. I believe that things are going to end up fine, and we'll see each other at some point.

I'm going to bed...my day off and I'm up WWWAAAAAYYYY later than i thought i would be.
I'm going to detail this night later, but it was enlightening.
I want to open up a business in the next 30 years.
and in the process of thinking, its named "life is a party".

Questions

So, I know I have a lot on my mind lately, but it's so cushed together, that I don't know how to expand it enough to really think about it.

What's currently on my mind (sry if subjects change):

Is there really "someone" for everyone?
I really never thought that ideas like this were realistic, but the more and more I think about it and try to push the idea away from my ideas.....real thoughts and real emotions don't really get thrown out, no matter how hard you try.

I have two subjects for two reasons why this is what's on my mind.

During the last minutes of October, I impulsively went to a party that I'll never regret.

There was a pretty random collection of guests, but for some reason I just felt drawn to one of them...and it was like an insta-best friend.

Then, as we have spent time getting to know each other on a more personal level, I really can't believe how much we can relate. In a healthy way.

But, I already have a best friend that I love more than most people.
And it would wreck me not to know her.

However as girls grow up, the once monumental bonding moments become more inanimate with time. We grow closer in the strangest ways, but new memories don't seem to be developing.
How long can you hold on to memories to direct your current day?

Another thing that has been on my mind is more personal than I make it out to be.
I have met a lot of captivating people in my life thus far.
And I'm no longer afraid of falling.
So what am I supposed to do when I'm fascinated by someone and I know it?
Like no matter how much I tell myself to just slow down and think with a different mindset, the same feelings keep jumping up and down in my head, and now they're carrying yellow road signs?

I just don't know what to think.

I'm so good at being myself that lately it has been worrying me.
I know what I want and I know all the risks that I take in life.

Yet, there's always someone, often several people in my day reminding me.
Tonight, someone confronted me about my sleep issue in a very serious way and it worried me, because I feel like this person was implying false assumptions about me.

I'm not on cocaine!!!

lol.

I'm just me. I have natural talent to harmonize the most clashing situations, and I don't judge people.

Yet, no matter how much I try to show people, no matter how honest I am, I feel like the people I care most about are afraid of me.

I just don't get life right now.

I was telling my best friend, and she said to me "Ty, I know you probably don't get what I'm saying, but not everybody is like you..."

And that scared me. I know she's right, and I don't expect anyone to be like me..I'm one of a kind, but I just wish that I could meet halfway with someone on the bridge of communication I'm trying to build. Or maybe it's just a bridge of understanding.

Is it possible to reallyreally care for someone that you barely know?

Is it possible for a girl to be "too good to be true", so everyone decides to walk on eggshells and question motives until they find a fault?

I thought I already have shown all my faults.

Which brings me to another point...
I forgot that I kinda have a "secret" until I was talking with my insta-friend the other day.

I told him something really personal, and then realized that I haven't told anyone in a long time.
But just because I have big stories I haven't told yet, doesn't mean I wouldn't tell them.

I want people to approach me without intimidation.
I want them to just go out on a limb and ask me the questions they want to know about me...because I'm not a liar, and I just want to be myself. I want my friends to know me for who I am, good and bad, happy and sad.

And I want to know what to do when I'm helplessly attracted to someone that I know is worth it.

Another Chance

I'm not going to attempt to sound smart as I write this, but I do have a feeling it needs to be written.

I have had a lot of recent "drama" squirrel its way into my life the last week or so, and it's made me see a new side of things.

On one point, I have had some flashback moments of life in Mass. I have had strange little incidences that just seem to happen. And then they make me think about what it was like living there, and my family that is stil there.

I have spent more time recently thinking to myself, and listening to the people that I value most.

What does it really mean to let something go?

How does the value of an idea increase when it's held dearly over time?

How many times is a person allowed to start over?

I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that some people are destined to cross paths with one another for something more than a "hello".

And after talking about it today with a new friend, I really am thinking that at the times in my life when I feel like I don't feel my purpose, that's when God is taking the time to change my life for something big.

This year, beginning on Halloween, he stuck someone in my path of life that I just clicked with. Someone that I've grown to know and love and learn from and appreciate.

And after tonight, I feel like not only did he give me a great friend, but he have me a messenger.

Someone told me a funny analogy today.

I am upset my memory is so short, so here is my take on the gist of it as I remember.

Coming to God, is like caring for a baby.

you can't just do it all at once.

you have to feed the baby, baby food before feeding it adult food.

Familiar Boring Places

So, i just got home and im freezing cold. My ears are cold and i have a stomach ache and a headache, as well as feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

I feel like I'm in two places at once.
Boston (because im freezing cold) and somewhere else.

I've been thinking a lot about opportunity, success, and happiness, and how the three tie together.

I woke up after an unproductive day of sleep to an overwhelming hour of my day, and then decided I needed fresh air. Exiting the house I walk down the usual path that seems more and more familiar every day. Needing to cross the street at some point, I came to this realization:

I'm on the same boring path that I've been on the last six months.
Waiting for the same opportunity.

Here are my choices:
Slow down, and wait for it.
Turn around and go back where I started.
Risk my safety and go.
Travel a little further and hope for a better opportunity.

I chose the latter of my choices, and ended up fine.

And, then as time passed I wondered..
How come, the walk home always feels better than the walk away?

And then God sent me an answer:
Because, sometimes, you have to step outside the box to appreciate what's inside.

I may be cold, and I may be alone....
But I feel better.